Coyotes & Torture

No, not the kind that taxes make possible, but the kind that borders make profitable. This is how it works:

"Jaime felt his legs being forced apart and heard Aldo say he was going to get his money," the report said. The kidnappers then sodomized him with a broomstick, a pair of scissors and a wooden dowel used to hang clothes in a closet.

All this is in a CNN report from Phoenix. Not Juarez, my friends.

Nate Phelps

Fred's son, has come out with this revelation from the man who says that "GOD," as so named, "HATES," as if such simple passion flowed from such One,-- well you know the rest:


"It didn’t take us long to figure out that one of the easiest ways to make money was to hit the bars in the evening. Friday and Saturday night would find 10 to 12 year old children working their way through dark taverns, selling their candy while strippers performed a few feet away. More than once, the violence that is inevitable in such places resulted in direct injury to one of us. Yet in spite of this obvious danger, we were required to continue this for over seven years."

The Pastor sent his children to sell candy at bars. Yeah.

NatePhelps.com

Udahostatesman

It just had to be done at some point. I do but kid The Statesman, though I wonder why they choose to lead with the inelegant butchery of their governor's amphibic surname by this man.

This man with so much beard.



What is the phonology of U-Ott-Not? Is the accent on the second syllable? If this isn't supposed to be read as one word, why, pray tell, did he use those two hyphens? I'll bet he thinks there is a grammar going on with the, you know, prefixification he's doing. Off base, though. See, he should have written U "Ott" Not or--even better-- You "Ott" Not. He's already scrunching letters, so why not conjure some non-text-messagese spelling skills and save your puns for when they'll have a real impact on your audience (which is, it seems, pedestrians and photographers looking for batfuck-nutty protest banners).

Also, if you don't read the cast of headlines at right, then you don't know how much of the 'Ho there is to deal with.

How Do You Netaphor?

And which is a worse shit, horse or bull? This was the proposition on the floor of a friend's debate on his team, the above named. You see, a certain player to remain unnamed beseeched unto the folks in stripes that a call was, well, I won't say whether he named the nature of the official's perceptions and conceptions as thither up from the hanging pair of that of a stud or that of a steer, but, well, let's just say, after this game, the boys grumbled not about whom or even whether one received an unsporting whistle from the referee, but what style of shatted talk was the shittiest. Sometimes one gets too razzled by a call or how to.

I figure bullshit is worse because I think some people'd lie more about what they'd feed to what they'd sell or eat than what they ride on and like.

Anyway, here's an email I got today from the local internet e-stoop-&-corner exchange:


[Laramie Freecycle] Offer: Horse manure‏
From: laramiefreecycle@yahoogroups.com on behalf of Mernie Younger (*******@yahoo.com)
Sent: Wed 5/13/09 1:01 AM
To: LaramieFreecycle@yahoogroups.com


Free horse manure, close to town, I'll load pick-ups or trailers. Very good, old manure.

Yes, contact Mernie.

Fortunately, my garden gets manure from the dog's owner's lady's Arabian.

Oh, sorry, has anyone else noticed that you get one f-word in new PG-13 movies besides this TomW person and one of the plebeian-reviewer's, B.E Beechler, at Amazon?

The Lord Is My Shepard, He Know What I Want

A tit for tat with Bernie Mac and Chris Tucker. Not for the heartily correct.

Well, if Edith Wharton hated it...

We're going back to wear our nasty surfer shirts in dreary Gaul.

Atheist Is The New Gay

I guess.

“Is everyone in favor of sponsoring a picnic for humanists with families?”

Oh, puke. Everyone knows atheist was cool like 5 years ago.

Seriously, queer shit is getting completely vanillified. Dude, you can get butt-married in Iowa, now.

Iowa.

So there's this terrible old joke: What does a humanist in the klan do at night?--Wears a hood to your lawn to burn question marks.

God Hates Wags

The legendary Fred Phelps clan, of fame for protesting soldiers' funerals and generally hating America and murder victims, has now struck Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda.

My favorite quotation is from Susan Russell: "I mean, that sign -- 'You will eat your babies' -- that doesn't even mean anything."

Isn't this protest a bit esoteric even for Phelps? I mean, is he now reduced to harassing monuments to literary figures? What's next, Oscar Wilde's gravesite? That road where Bessie Smith died in Mississippi? How about all of Harlem, since Langston Hughes probably trawled the lot of it. Alexander The Great's furthest conquered territories? I could go on, but

Bea Arthur died and I need to mourn.

Whuddup, Detroit

the treaty. From the new World Digital Library. Beautiful original media that is easy to navigate and jiggle around and blow up with your mouse and the tools.

So, so nerdy.

Press Pass Goes In The Hat

So how could one stand to advertise thus at all,
sans cap? Get an inkwell, please.

Do you want to watch this, with a site design
this poor a little scroll below the banner?:

Lyricisto y Laredo

A poet to watch and read:

Regarding a priest:

" it’s blue and his hair is black

it’s blue and his ears are torn

it’s blue and his face is smeared

with blood it’s blue and his face

and arms are black it’s blue and

he’s neither young nor old it’s blue

and his shirt is black and damp "

Japan's A Fan

And you know his dog's name, already.
This is the first "PRIVATE" tailored suit for an Obama doll I've seen.



Figure from "Sonota," what has probably trademarked their likeness of the man.

Texas Guv Ponders Secession

The successor to former Governor George Walker Bush, lately President of the United States, James Richard "Rick" Perry.

Brutha Obama meet Brutha Chavez

Note the photo attribution. Do you get the feeling that President B is looking at Hugo and saying, "Yeah, yeah, it's cool, but I be watchin' you smelled-Bush's-sulpher muthafucker..."

"devaluatino of the Boliviano" - an intercontinental rhyme on Evo Morales

Shall any of our print news publications survive when even the comments page at The Economist is wittier than, say, that Seal Confirms Klum's Pregnancy at New York Concert, which the NYT's felt necessary to notify its readers of, and noting, since evidently the baby's getting older, that this news was born only "9 minutes ago."

But, thankfully, here're the comments on the Bolivia article:


el_economista wrote:
April 17, 2009 8:47

Good news for Bolivia! Both government and opposition have to understand that they have to learn to live with each other. Both parties are crucial to sustain democracy in the country.
Recommend (1)
Report abuse

SisifoDichoso wrote:
April 17, 2009 8:17

Indeed. Imagine what would have been of the world without western colonialism.
No slavery, no piracy, no genocide.
Just the thought of it gives me the creeps.
Recommend (1)
Report abuse

KingAfrica wrote:
April 16, 2009 22:55

Pretty soon, all of Bolivia will be on an involuntary hiunger strike as the country defaults on its sovereign debts and its economy collapses. Only Britain can provide the solution: Colonization and Anglo-Re-education of the masses as well as orthodox economic measures, a devaluatino of the Boliviano, and the destruction of all plantlife in the country, if those stubborn people persist in growing drugs for export to the US and Britain.
Recommend (1)
Report abuse

Keb Mo At Monk Jazz

You could see him there. From a friend in the Delta.

"There has got to be microbes associated with that" - science guy in Antarctica

What Jill Mikucki says about the bacteria she found RISING FROM THE ICE AT THE SOUTH POLE.

I learned that glaciers have snouts and that there's a place called, dammit, Blood Falls in Antarctica, spouting ancient microorganisms.

I just want to point out that this science article just allowed me to spell "microorganisms," as well.

Ali is the devil, even if he done wrastled with an alligator

So alleges Smokin' Joe in not so many words:

"Frazier also believes that Ali calling himself the greatest and his arrogant boasts was 'a slap in the Lord's face,'..."

Okay. You be the judge: "I'm young, I'm handsome, I'm fast, I'm pretty, and can't possibly be beat."

You can see him smack Frazier around in the movie from which that clip is drawn, "When We Were Kings."

Spying on you

They be doin' that. So, yeah,

"And in one previously undisclosed episode, the N.S.A. tried to wiretap a member of Congress without a warrant, an intelligence official with direct knowledge of the matter said."

Emphasis added to the NYT's piece on how the domestic intelligence agency may have, ahem, "overcollect[ed]" in its surveillance of Americans.

"...dishes were magically cleaned" - Justice Thomas

Now he has something to say, for some reason.

Last little bit of millions of pieces

From the latest The Economist report on St. Louis, Missouri:

"Almost by accident, environmentalists discovered that an untouched 25-acre plot in the cemetery was one of the last bits of the prairie that, till the early 19th century, covered most of the site of present-day St Louis."

The cemetery has both the remains of Dred Scott (yes, that one) and, for some Nimiipuu people,

"An important new monument was dedicated in 2003 to the memory of four Nez Perce warriors, two of whom died in St. Louis while visiting William Clark after his expedition through the Louisiana Territory. The warriors had been baptized during their stay in St. Louis, which was intended to gather information and contacts that would empower their people in a land now under the control of European culture."

Oh yeah, that paedocidal maniac, W.T. Sherman is buried there, too.

Low-ridin' pant-linin'

Evidently, it's against the law in some places to show "skin" or "underwear" behind your pants. But, "[P]ublic defenders argued that sagging pants were a constitutionally protected expression of identity." And, then, my favorite location for an interview, as well as overall point made in the article,

“There are a bunch of other laws about
clothes they should make,” said Carlos
Edwards, sitting in a church van. Mr.
Edwards cited the use of trench coats
by teenagers involved in the Columbine
massacre.

The Kenyon Review's website updated

Much easier to navigate, and it seems less reproductive of the gravity of the good text itself.

Sample, from one of the 2008 Short Fiction winners:

[....] Mom brushed our identical shoulder-length blonde hair. Scrubbed our identical cheeks. But I held the shampoo in the bathtub. I held the towels. I pulled her hair back with both of my good hands when she got stomach flu each winter. I peeled her fruit. I tied her shoes. I zipped up her prom dress. I kicked Ben Crumley in the crotch when he said his mom had made him invite her, that a girl with one arm would never be kissed on the mouth. I kicked him twice for that.

Language, Sovereignty, Enterprise

"Native Now" -- by its three sections -- from the website for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting's program, produced by the American Experience production people, We Shall Remain.

Fewer than "ten people" speak Nipmuc, which is taught here: April 13, 2009 clip.

You can learn about the Cherokee and Shawnee languages, too, at their respective links in the lower left.

The Northern Arapaho Experience

Accept no substitutes. From the Casino: http://www.windrivercasino.com/info/northernarapahoexperience.php

If the Wyoming Business Report is correct, The Little Wind at Ethete has already opened.

Need a dictionary? 'D better use it rightly.

Black Turk Talks Back To Barack Or Something

Say, here's the NYT blog that has the video and the "anchor" or however you wish to call him explaining. An overseas correspondent provides extended context:

"I've never practiced true love." Vidal, 11 April 2009

Gore Vidal on Bill Maher's show. Covers all politics and culture right now; the first preludes with a fake "Barter Day" ad at Wal-Mart and the second begins, in media res, with a discussion of how the Romans did not recognize the difference between styles of sexualities.

Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDMpQ1s1rbI
Part II is in the related content menu on the right.

You can find the complete by searching "real time" "bill maher" part4 and part5 and some variation of the date it aired, which is the 10 April edition (though aired live starting at the midnight of the 11th).

Vidal, re being a conservative: "Admittedly, I can read the New York Times without moving my lips, which is a sign of Communism."

Mo's Blues at the Monk Jazz

Via a missive from a lady in Indianola, some nice plans if you happen to be or be going in the Mississippi Delta looking for music:

"The Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz makes its return to Delta State"

CLEVELAND―The Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz will return to the Bologna Performing Arts Center (BPAC) for a public performance on Sunday, April 19, at 2 p.m. Joining them will be legendary guitarist Keb’ Mo.’ [....] Mo’ performed at the opening of the B.B. King Museum in Indianola last fall, along with Robert Cray, Bobbie Blue Bland and B.B. King himself. For ticket information [...]

Gloria Enriquez, Senior Secretary
Communications and Marketing
Delta State University
P.O. Box D-3
1003 West Sunflower Road
Cleveland, Miss. 38733
Office: 662.846.4675
Fax: 662.846.4679 "

Seamus Heaney, in sum

The Hibernian Nobel laureate received another prize and says his forty-plus years work in poetry can be summed up by his

The Underground (audio begins automatically)

&

A Drink of Water

Maryland's porn-packed schools

As the Post puts it: "Excerpts of the film that students watched included fight scenes, stormy seas and close-ups of sweaty pirates having orgies."

Dunk of the century

The "Laramie neck plant" by Adam Waddell of Cody, Wyoming.

Huge worm

is reportedly found.

It's gross.

And it can, evidently, digest hooks and keep away the nasties with its numbing bristles.

Alberto Fujimori found guilty

In Peru's own courts.

From Joe to Dick

"dead wrong" regarding recent vices.

Biden: Cheney, having left his constitutional charge, has also left his nation "less regarded in the world."

Does having doctors torture people contribute?

Woes of Detroit as parodied by Jon Stewart & John Hodgeman

Funny how the state on the great lakes has so many roads.


However,

If you cannot connect
to the server, complain
at the Comedy Central
site, or to the service
that claims to not find
the original video.